Who said that getting married was easy? You’ll have to look for a venue, check menus, sample dishes, make reservations, arrange to meet the officiant in the most inopportune time, and yes, even create an invite that you only have a vague idea about. You ask your family and friends to help you with the wedding invitation etiquette that they keep on telling you to comply with, but when you do ask them, they just shrug their shoulders, scratch their heads and say, “I really can’t remember….lemme see…” or “It happened decades ago – you don’t expect me to remember what’s written on my invite, do you?”
Well, there’s no need to despair, actually. Although missing out on some wedding invitation etiquette won’t be enough to send you to jail, it will be considered bad manners by the people who matter most – your family and friends. You wouldn’t want them to think of you and your husband-to-be as rude and lacking etiquette, would you?
The Do’s and Don’ts of Wedding Invitation Etiquette
Don’t worry if you’re not aware of how to create a proper wedding invitation. Most brides-to-be don’t. You just need a few tips to guide you through. Listed below are some of the do’s and don’ts when it comes to wedding invitation etiquette.
Do’s:
Do create a master guest list. A master guest list gives you an idea as to who and how many your probable guests would be. It would be a good idea to ask your parents and your future parents-in-law for their wedding guest lists. That way, both sides will have a chance to witness your wedding. But what if the list has gone way too far from your budget? Then only include the people who matter most. Start with your immediate family members, their partners and grown-up kids. If your budget allows it, you can also invite your relatives – aunts and uncles, cousins and their partners, etc. no matter if the last time they saw you was when you still had diapers on. Then include your closest friends.
Do send out invitations in advance. This means 6- 8 weeks if your wedding will take place in your area. Invites to destination weddings should be distributed three months in advance. This is to ensure that all your guests will have ample time to clear their schedules, prepare their wardrobe, buy tickets and arrange for someone to tend their homes while they are away (for those who don’t live near your area).
Do have a deadline for RSVPs. Set this 2-3 weeks before your wedding. This is to give you a clearer idea as to who’s coming and who’s not and will be the basis for the final head count. Call the guests who haven’t replied and ask their confirmation. RSVPs are very important as this will dictate how many plates the caterer has to prepare.
Do have allowances for the plus-ones. Generally, you are not obliged to invite the plus-ones of your single friends or relatives. But if you feel that most of your guests have partners, and that your single friends will only feel awkward and out of place, then do allow them to take a guest with them.
Do have your own website. If you don’t know how, ask a friend to create one for you. You can also create a Facebook event page dedicated to your wedding. Your site or page can provide some details about your wedding that you weren’t able to include in the invite due to space limitations. This can also be a more convenient way of confirming those RSVPs. Simply add an insert to your invite with your website address written on it.
Do include valuable information in your invite. Your invite should state the date, time and exact location of your affair. If your reception will take place in an unfamiliar venue, include a sketch of how to get there. Are you having a garden wedding? Then, this should be clearly stated in there, too. You wouldn’t want a guest to suffer the humiliation of sinking her stiletto in the mud and slipping flat on her face just because you failed to mention that your wedding will be held in a garden, right?
Do inform your guests about the dress code. Don’t forget to state what the dress code is – this is one of the things your guests will be looking for in the right hand corner of your invite. It will also help to have an invitation layout that matches your theme. This will give them time to look for attires that will blend in your wedding day.
Do provide a return address and postage. You can’t expect your guests to return the RSVP if you don’t provide them an address and postage, can you? The return address is usually written on the back flap of the envelope.
Do follow the proper decorum in writing names. Weddings are formal celebrations that require proper etiquette in writing names. You may not be aware of it, but some people are very particular about their titles. But even if your guests are not snobs, you must still spell out their professional titles (Doctor, Reverend) or military titles (General, Lieutenant, etc.) when writing their names on envelopes. And do write their full names, since nicknames are considered very informal.
Do observe the rules for writing addresses. Spell out street names like Boulevard and Avenue, months, days and numbers if you’re having a formal wedding. Aside from having a freer rein on the numbers thing, the same rules apply for semi-formal or casual weddings
Do write guest’s names manually. Nothing looks more personal than seeing your name handwritten on the back of an envelope, right? Make your guests feel that way, too. That would really make them feel special. But what if you’re just not good at handwriting and all you can manage is a doctor’s scrawl? Just ask somebody who has a better penmanship to do the job for you.
Don’ts:
Don’t include your registry info. Never, ever do this as this is still considered very impolite. It’s like silently asking your guests to send you gifts. Besides, your guests can easily find where you are registered by asking your family or checking your website.
Don’t choose a day and time that is only convenient to you. If you really want your guests to enjoy your wedding, set it on a Saturday. It’s usually a free day for most people as opposed to a Friday when they have to take a leave from work or rush off to your wedding. It’s also better than a Sunday because they don’t have to leave earlier as they can still have a full day of rest the next day.
Don’t invite guests to the ceremony if you don’t intend to have them on the reception. This is totally, absolutely rude and insensitive. It’s like saying, “I can only allow you to watch my wedding but I don’t have enough cash to pay for your food”. If you just can’t afford another plate, then don’t ask him at all.
Don’t announce a false start. Don’t make your guests wait by writing “The wedding will start at 6pm” in your invite if the actual time is 6:30. Sure, you don’t want them to miss your grand entrance, but isn’t that too selfish of you? Besides, most of your guests know that the wedding processional is one of the highlights of any wedding so they’ll arrive early to ensure they won’t miss it.
Don’t send an invite to someone who has already begged out of it. Your friend has told you that she has prior commitments on your wedding day? Then leave it at that. Sending her an invitation even when you already know she can’t come is like saying, “It’s okay if you can’t come, but your gift is welcome”.
Use this list of wedding invitation etiquette do’s and don’ts to ensure that you get hitched without a glitch.
